dear friends, 

as i sit at a coffee shop 
near my surgeon’s office
in midtown Manhattan
and look up at the Chrysler building,
i remember sitting here 5 months ago.
i knew that i had to have a few surgeries
to remove skin cancer on my eyelid.
i had just found a surgeon that i trusted
and booked the procedures.
i was uncertain about the outcome, 
but moving forward with momentum

i faced it all
and by doing so,
i felt a new sense of freedom.

back then, 
i was finally able to look up
and see the beauty of the moment in front of me. 
it felt like
i was co-existing with a challenging truth
that fueled an eagerness within me
to try harder.

Read more

dear friends,

while on a recent weekend trip, i was captivated by a book on bird watching. the simplicity and focus of the material was soothing. the book featured line drawing illustrations of birds with accompanying captions and traits.

the sight and contents of this book slowed me down. the art of studying birds felt intriguing.

maybe it was my heightened sense of discovery because I was on a trip or perhaps i was prompted by an inner calling to slow down and be present. i continued to flip through the pages of this bird watching book imagining its target reader. i would love to engage with one who has spent some time in their life studying birds. 

this made me think about the art of studying. whether it be birds, playing chess, baking bread or something else that takes time to understand, one must study certain crafts. 

what had I studied lately? we schedule time to study when we’re in various stages of formal education, but why do we stop studying as adults?

Read more

dear friends, 

let’s get our dance on. 

as i was walking home from the bakery this morning, i spotted this chalk outline of a box with “dance here” written inside. 

i love how the creator wanted to give all of us permission to break out into impromptu dance moves in the middle of the sidewalk. the writer is nudging us to “just do it!”

so, let’s. 

let’s get our dance on today. let’s jump into that thing that we are scared to do. let’s be seen fully as who we are. let’s be a little too much today. 

today's poem:

“bravery comes first” 
it’s making the choice 
to be brave
and believe in yourself.
this feeling precedes 
any desired results
or external validation.
it’s knowing who you are
and that you’re enough.
it’s unbridled and unwavering confidence.
bravery comes first.
create it from within
and then watch your entire life flourish.

here’s to you.

kindly,

nikki

dear friend,

thank you for being one of my readers. i truly am so blessed to be on this journey alongside you.

i come back to this idea often—
that life is constantly offering us small openings,
tiny invitations to step forward, to trust, to move.

and that we don’t have to have it all figured out.
we just have to be willing to go through the door.

i’m really glad you’re here with me, walking through it.

my goal is to value the momentum rather than the outcome. i want to show up for the experiences that life offers while reconnecting with the carefree essence within.

as epictetus said, “it’s not things themselves that disturb us, but our judgments about them.” what if we did not categorize events as simple as good or bad? what if we lived in the nuanced notion of it all?

Read more

dear friends, 

today is the day to choose you. regardless of what's happened in the past, today is a fresh start to begin again. 

“why not you?”
you have always wanted it. 
your entire being desires it,
yet it feels a bit out of reach. 
you were taught that some things
are just not attainable for you.
so, as an obedient and kind student, 
you have listened. 
yet, this does not feel good any longer. 

you are ready to become more. 
you are willing to do the work
and discover the ways to get there. 

why not you?

you do not need to wait for permission
or approval, 
you can begin. 
the choice is the reward. 
the energy put forth toward this intention
is now your inner compass. 

you have chosen
you. 
you are on your way. 

looking forward to hear what you choose to do today!

ok, go be you.

heart, nikki

something new is opening here .🤍 a book can only hold so much, so i wanted an overflow for my writing.

welcome to a weekly edition of another round on substack.

the depth that words can create requires connection. this is a way to do so on a continual basis.

when i started another round on substack,
i told myself I would write to feel good,
to do good,
and to share the good.

and somewhere along the way,
this space became more than that.

it became a return.
to myself.
to my voice.
to the quiet knowing that my words matter.

i’m ready to go deeper.

so i’m opening a paid layer of another round
for those who want more.

more poems.
more honesty.
more of the in-between moments of becoming.

if you feel called to join me there, i would love to have you.

and if you’re here reading for free,
thank you. truly.
this space exists because you’re in it.

nothing changes there —
only an expansion for those who want to step inside a little deeper.

like everything that lasts. small steps toward a long vision.

🤍

(join me)

I discovered a small bump on my left lower eyelid that was misdiagnosed as a stye for a few years only to learn that it was small tumor consisting of basal cell carcinoma (a slow growing type of skin cancer). 

i have had basal cell carcinoma and sarcoma cancer prior to this diagnosis on other parts of my body. I learned that the eyelid is a tricky place to operate on and would require reconstructive surgery to repair it after. upon learning about this diagnosis and situation, i consulted with some surgeons and found an amazing team at nyu that i really felt safe with. 

my first surgeon was amazing and tried to make me feel as comfortable as possible during the procedure. unfortunately, the cancer had spread along my entire lower eyelid. we discovered this during the first surgery to remove the cancerous cells (Mohs surgery).

the following day i was scheduled for reconstructive surgery. with this type of cancer, you try to mentally prepare for the best. i had no idea that my reconstructive surgery would involve a skin graft from my upper eyelid to my lower eyelid which would then require my eye to be sewn shut for 30 days. my oculoplastic surgeon was so articulate in describing what we would need to do and assured me that this was protocol. her ease and confidence was palpable. i tried to mirror her demeanor as my voice shook as i gave her my consent to move forward with this surgery. 

it has been one week since the surgeries and i have 3 more weeks to go until the stitches come out and i can use both eyes.

I am so grateful for my medical team that cared so greatly for me. i am so grateful to be cancer free. 

i am just so grateful. 

this experience has been grounding. i have felt elated and grateful and also extremely sad. the up and down of it all has shown me that i have an opportunity to do the work that i have been writing about. (well, MORE of the work)

truly, up until about a week ago, i was well versed in thinking the worst. i suppose i was used to doing this. it almost felt like a warm blanket that i would reach for to comfort me. what if this happens? what if that would occur? what would i do? how would i feel? i worked at protecting my future self from my present self’s thoughts. it was exhausting, but it felt like it was the more mature approach. being idealistic was beginning to feel out of date and out touch. I had to be more realistic in the world. 

it is funny how the intention to think good and to feel good have always been there. but, the habit of thinking always got in the way. how do you get better using a muscle in your mind that you cannot see? how do you truly break and replace old mental habits? is there hope for me? have I been scrolling too much? have I lost touch with the purest parts of me?

in the past, i have focused on ways of thinking and trying to elevate my inner state of mind. my previous work has always been rooted in spiritual growth and mental fitness. 

there is no better time to exercise every ounce of mental strength you can summon in the midst of surgery and its aftermath. 

thankfully, i was reading “the monk who sold his ferrari” before my surgery date. i was not able to read with one eye (at first), so i bought the audible version of it. i listened to it before my reconstructive surgery. i listened to it for 2 days straight when i got home. 

the author, robin sharma, speaks through his main characters that mind control is a possibility and it is in fact doable for us all. honestly, i had never known this. i thought it was all about asking and waiting for some divine miracle to take place. i thought it took thousands of hours of prep work and then waiting for luck to strike. 

sharma also elludes that change takes place in an instant. the results will then take shape gradually over time. but, once you decide to change and take charge of your mind, you already have. 

i am writing these words feeling happy and calm and content. i have no idea what my eyelid will look like in 3 weeks, but i feel good. i am not mourning my past self. i am truly excited about myself…now. i am proud of who i am. it feels good to say this and mean it. 

I don’t have to seek permission or approval to be optimistic. I don’t have to apologize for working hard to feel good. 

so, that’s where I am at. 

i am grateful to know the people that i know. i am happy to be here. i am so excited to continue to heal and tell everyone to see their dermatologist! 

if you see me around in the next 3 weeks and i have sunglasses on, you will know why. 

thanks for reading this and thanks for being you. 

i cannot wait to toast and to celebrate life with a fun beverage soon! 

value is not measured in human terms

it’s a feeling that uplifts and guides

it’s a knowing that elevates your perspective

it’s a lifeline when you need hope

value is not earned, it’s shared

it grows when you nourish it

your value is not dependent on anything.

it’s inherent.

rather than writing to judge

or complain

or feel superior

or change someone’s mind.

I am writing to overcome.

I am writing to be better whilst

appreciating how far I’ve come.

I am writing to connect with myself

and others on a deeper level.

I am writing to explore and discover

being a better human.

is that’s you- let’s be friends.

🎀

sometimes we create the wrong things

for a desired outcome

rather than create the right things

to generate an inner feeling.

the external reaction

to our actions

will never satisfy your pure soul.

ultimately, you crave alignment within.

your heart wants to connect with you

and your true intentions

not attract more attention from others.

this subtle self-awareness gathers more

strength and momentum

when you tune into it.

you can see how

you created drama

to get attention.

you understand your human need

to belong and fit in.

you surrender to being human,

yet decide to take control

of your own inner resources.

you acknowledge how

attention appears to quench your appetite,

but it actually adds distress to your entire being.

focus on your intention.

pay attention to your body

and what feels good

and what does not.

let this guide your creative source

to the right projects.

your life is your ongoing project.

let yourself see the truth

about you.

who are you becoming

and who were you?

allow change to help you grow

and evolve.

create the right things

over and over again.

begins to feel haphazard,

take a moment to be present with yourself.

feel whatever it is

that you have been running from.

face your inner fear

and trauma.

rather than let it bounce on the surface of your mind,

invite it in.

you are ready to go there.

instead of categorizing trauma as pain,

what if you saw it as an invitation to become?

life will be painful.

life will hurt.

accept it all.

let your guard down,

stop analyzing your pain

and just sit with it.

you are not a bad person

for feeling this way.

in fact, you are courageous

to meet yourself here.

you have been running from this feeling

for quite some time.

you are with it now.

it cannot hurt you

when you are present with it.

your conscious power will always be more powerful

than unconscious fear.

know this.

let your life

be a love letter to yourself.

you are boldly

on this journey toward your most fulfilling self.

you are becoming

you.

to create from a place of peace and gratitude

frees you from the pain of the past.

you are using your mind muscle

to make something new

rather than to ruminate on the past.

settling into this sustainable peace

does take work

and the ability to face your truth.

it means sitting in the discomfort

that you have been running from.

this peaceful mindset is yours

when you reach for it.

this blissful and wholesome feeling

may take some time to inhabit.

trust that your intention to feel it

activates a stronger force within you

to become it.

the will

becomes the way.

the map to get there

is hidden within.

to create from this peace

allows you to separate yourself

from unhealthy goals.

a peaceful mind

can generate the miracles

that your heart dreams of.

when you feel this inner peace,

you are not tempted to follow in another’s footsteps

because you know

that the only way for you

is yours.

that time that i won best dressed

in junior high band

and got a printed certificate

with my name on it.

the entire expeirence reminds me

how

style is for you.

it helps you get through hard times

and helps you discover others just like you.

style runs so deep

and can be so special.

it connects you

to your former

and future self.

it creates reverence

and respect.

it can transform.

it can be a safe space.

it can be a shield.

i hope that you always

create your look

for you

and remember how fun it all can be.

sometimes

you have to step back

and remove yourself from the flow.

you just know

that this time to yourself

will nourish you more

than seeking your position externally.

it is not something to be feared

or ashamed of,

it is a call to action

within.

it is knowing

that some shifts are occurring

and you need personal space and time

to honor them.

some internal moments

do not need to be explained in real time.

soak them up.

be with them.

return to the flow when you are ready.

it will always be waiting for you.

Subscribe now